Pharmaceutical Phantasyland

Are you looking for a solution

To all those aches and pains that ail you?

During a night of TV viewing

You'll find drugs that should not fail you.

Linzess might stop your belly pain

Or discomfort from your constipation.

(Just be sure to open a window

To provide some needed ventilation.)

Feeling nerve pain? Then try Lyrica--

Unless you suffer from arthritis.

If that's the case you need Humira.

But that won't help your laryngitis.

Some ads say Abilify

Will help you if you have depression.

But watch out if you start displaying

Bizarre, unexplained aggression.

If atrial fibrillation has you

Feeling somewhat out of sorts,

Maybe Eliquis will help you.

Be careful, though, when playing sports.

Feeling dry eye? There's Restasis.

Muscle ache? Then try Aleve.

But they won't help with COPD;

To think so would be so naïve.

For that you'll need some Symbicort.

But what if you have (gulp!) E-D?

Or B-P-H? Then there's Cialis;

But don't expect a guarantee.

For type 2 diabetes there is

Farxiga--just one a day.

But that does NOT mean you can hit

The pastry shop and eat away.

For if you do you'll need some Nexium--

Yes, that little purple pill--

For acid reflex isn't fun,

And Zantac might not fit the bill.

If menopausal hot flashes

Are totally driving you insane,

Brisdelle should give you relief,

But do not take it with champagne.

With all these drugs we can't go wrong.

For everything there is a cure

Or maybe relief from nagging symptoms;

But read the label to be sure.

Because of possible side effects

Of all the drugs that you might be taking,

Be sure that you have considered the risks

And done some careful decision making.

Yep, weighing all your options

Might really be worth your while,

Especially if you tend to be

An avid pharmaceutophile.

Watch for rashes, swelling, blood clots,

Gas, nausea, lung infections,

Diarrhea, stomach pains,

Four-hour plus erections,

Heart failure, thoughts of suicide,

Impaired judgment, shortness of breath,

Change in moods, low blood pressure,

Loss of consciousness, coma, or death.

By Bob B (11-1-14)