Santa Caught Speeding?

Christmas Day! It's hot off the press.

I cannot believe what I am reading.

There in bold headlines and all in caps:

SANTA CLAUS PULLED OVER FOR SPEEDING!

Is it possible for Santa's sleigh

To exceed the maximum miles per hour?

Might that have a little to do

With all of his horse-…or reindeer-power?

The policeman asked for his driver's license.

A driver's license for Santa? What gives?

Don't cops know that such trivialities

Are unnecessary where Santa lives?

What about vehicle registration?

Also missing on Santa's person.

"Oh, oh," I thought. "He's going to have problems."

But keep on reading: things only worsen.

When asked if the red in his cheeks resulted

From tipping the bottle, Santa said, "Stop.

You must be kidding, for you ought to know

That Santa has NEVER touched a drop."

The policeman asked him to walk a straight line.

Shaking with laughter, the plump man replied,

"I can't EVEN see my feet.

I couldn't walk a straight line if I tried!"

The cop threatened to search the sleigh,

Which, Santa said, would be all right.

"But once you start," he added with a  grin,

"You'll find it's going to take you all night."

A witness heard Santa quietly mutter,

"It wasn't such a good idea

To take that alternate route. Good grief!

Where have I landed? In North Korea?

You know, you're putting me way behind schedule.

If I don't hurry, I'll be in big trouble."

Santa pleaded with the man in uniform,

"I need to get going on the double."

So Santa got off with only a warning.

We're lucky he wasn't hauled off to jail,

Which would have forced Mrs. Claus

To have to come up with money for bail.

(12-25-14)