10 Rules for Gaining the Favor of the American People and for Possibly Winning the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidacy

Rule number 1--this one's important:

Be extremely outspoken and crass.

In fact, you'll gain more popularity,

The more you act like a pain in the ass.

The 2nd rule is to be insulting--

Insult everybody you can.

Call other people no good or stupid

And you will impress many a fan.

Rule number 3: be a bully.

Show 'em the stuff that you're made of, and when

That falls short, your crass materialism

Should impress 'em again and again.

Make sure your tone is rude and brusque:

This makes rule number 4.

Remove reporters who ask tough questions

So they won't bother you anymore.

The 5th rule: blast immigrants;

Make them a scapegoat and propose

A plan to stop all undocumented

Immigrants from being the source of our woes.

Rule number 6: criticize women;

Make them targets to belittle and disparage.

Praise traditional matrimony

While you jump from marriage to marriage.

Be narcissistic is rule number 7;

Boast about your wealth and your power.

Self-aggrandizement will get you

Attention (especially if you've got a tower).

Rule number 8: criticize the government

By saying our country is weak; then spew

More invective and suggest that people

Ought to be more vitriolic--like you.

Next, divorce politics from thought:

This rule is rule number 9.

Make generalizations with no explanations

And never admit that you've crossed the line.

Rhetorical excess is rule number 10;

Blow everything out of proportion.

Use grandiose and bombastic ramblings

And people will overlook each distortion.

There you have it: ten clear-cut ways

To show the people that you've got verve.

And those who cast their votes your way

Will end up getting what they deserve.

(8-26-15) By Bob B