A Modern Ballad

(This poem could be sung to the melody of Tom Lehrer's song "An Irish Ballad: Rickety Tickety Tin.")

 

A dangerous person is on the loose--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

A dangerous person is on the loose.

He carries around a hangman's noose.

The government won't tell him vamoose.

RFK Jr.'s° his name--

His name--

RFK Jr.'s his name.

 

Conspiracy theories he knows well--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Conspiracy theories he knows well.

Like rotten fish they really smell.

In such a world he likes to dwell.

He plays a dangerous game--

A game--

He plays a dangerous game.

 

He tells lies about vaccines--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

He tells lies about vaccines,

And he'll resort to any means

To blow our health to smithereens.

And he will be surely to blame--

To blame--

And he will be surely to blame.

 

Ah, and this is one of his faves--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Ah, and this is one of his faves:

That cancer is caused by Wi-Fi waves.

By using it we dig our graves.

That's what he's trying to claim--

To claim--

That's what he's trying to claim.

 

That shootings are linked to prescription drugs--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

That shootings are linked to prescription drugs

Is one more crazy idea he plugs.

From co-conspirators he'll get hugs.

At science they like to take aim--

Take aim--

At science they like to take aim.

 

Fluoride causes cancer, says he--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Fluoride causes cancer, says he,

And AIDS isn't caused by HIV.

But leading experts disagree.

They are not out to get fame--

Get fame--

They are not out to get fame.

 

People will die because of him--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

People will die because of him.

With him in charge our future looks dim.

"Wack job" is his synonym,

And he has no feelings of shame--

Of shame--

And he has no feelings of shame.

-by Bob B (9-12-25)

°Trump's Secretary of Health and Human Services

Shady J.D.

J.D. Vance is trying to

Pretend he's getting tougher.

All he's doing is being Trump's

Enthusiastic fluffer.

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

 

It's scary what is happening

In these crazy times.

We merely have to think that folks

Are committing crimes,

 

And once we have suspected that,

We take the easy route:

Without due process, what do we do?

Hell, we snuff them out.

 

J.D. Vance thinks that's so cool.

When people throw a fit

And say that's wrong, Vance replies,

"I don't give a sh*t."

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

 

To pick a fight with Venezuela

Is Trump's current goal.

And J.D. Vance has followed Trump

Down the rabbit hole.

 

Their desire for power is both

Shocking and perverse.

But their disdain for human life?

That is even worse.

 

Unbelievable the havoc

Both of them have wreaked.

No, we're not the mouse that roared;

We're the lion that squeaked.

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

-by Bob B (9-9-25)

Poor Whom

Whom was sitting all alone,

Feeling sad and dejected.

For quite a while, the pronoun has

Been a bit neglected.

 

"I just don't understand," he cried,

"Why I am not used.

And when I am, I'm very often

Terribly abused."

 

Who walked over and sat with him.

Sad that he was blue,

She said, "It's just that speakers prefer

Me instead of you.

 

"I am easy to find and use,

Whether by voice or ink.

However, you make speakers of English

Have to stop and think--

 

"Unless they know you very well,

And many of them don't.

Folks have the chance to make your acquaintance,

But, sadly, many won't.

 

"You are not the only one

To be in such a funk.

Look what's happening to our friends

Eaten, Gone, and Drunk!"

 

(By the way, Who was sincere;

She WASN'T a mere pretender.

And don't forget that Whom and Who

Both can change their gender.)

 

"At least," said Whom, "I'm in the books--

The great works from the past.

As long as folks will read them, I know

My legacy will last."

 

Who left feeling depressed about

Whom's impending doom.

How horrible to witness the sad

Demise of brother Whom!

-by Bob B (9-5-25)