A Modern Ballad

(This poem could be sung to the melody of Tom Lehrer's song "An Irish Ballad: Rickety Tickety Tin.")

 

A dangerous person is on the loose--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

A dangerous person is on the loose.

He carries around a hangman's noose.

The government won't tell him vamoose.

RFK Jr.'s° his name--

His name--

RFK Jr.'s his name.

 

Conspiracy theories he knows well--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Conspiracy theories he knows well.

Like rotten fish they really smell.

In such a world he likes to dwell.

He plays a dangerous game--

A game--

He plays a dangerous game.

 

He tells lies about vaccines--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

He tells lies about vaccines,

And he'll resort to any means

To blow our health to smithereens.

And he will be surely to blame--

To blame--

And he will be surely to blame.

 

Ah, and this is one of his faves--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Ah, and this is one of his faves:

That cancer is caused by Wi-Fi waves.

By using it we dig our graves.

That's what he's trying to claim--

To claim--

That's what he's trying to claim.

 

That shootings are linked to prescription drugs--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

That shootings are linked to prescription drugs

Is one more crazy idea he plugs.

From co-conspirators he'll get hugs.

At science they like to take aim--

Take aim--

At science they like to take aim.

 

Fluoride causes cancer, says he--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

Fluoride causes cancer, says he,

And AIDS isn't caused by HIV.

But leading experts disagree.

They are not out to get fame--

Get fame--

They are not out to get fame.

 

People will die because of him--

Sing wackety-tackety-tame.

People will die because of him.

With him in charge our future looks dim.

"Wack job" is his synonym,

And he has no feelings of shame--

Of shame--

And he has no feelings of shame.

-by Bob B (9-12-25)

°Trump's Secretary of Health and Human Services

Shady J.D.

J.D. Vance is trying to

Pretend he's getting tougher.

All he's doing is being Trump's

Enthusiastic fluffer.

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

 

It's scary what is happening

In these crazy times.

We merely have to think that folks

Are committing crimes,

 

And once we have suspected that,

We take the easy route:

Without due process, what do we do?

Hell, we snuff them out.

 

J.D. Vance thinks that's so cool.

When people throw a fit

And say that's wrong, Vance replies,

"I don't give a sh*t."

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

 

To pick a fight with Venezuela

Is Trump's current goal.

And J.D. Vance has followed Trump

Down the rabbit hole.

 

Their desire for power is both

Shocking and perverse.

But their disdain for human life?

That is even worse.

 

Unbelievable the havoc

Both of them have wreaked.

No, we're not the mouse that roared;

We're the lion that squeaked.

 

CHORUS:

Shady J.D., if you can,

Why not try to be a man,

Instead of being a spineless simp--

Trump's sycophantic wimp?

-by Bob B (9-9-25)

Poor Whom

Whom was sitting all alone,

Feeling sad and dejected.

For quite a while, the pronoun has

Been a bit neglected.

 

"I just don't understand," he cried,

"Why I am not used.

And when I am, I'm very often

Terribly abused."

 

Who walked over and sat with him.

Sad that he was blue,

She said, "It's just that speakers prefer

Me instead of you.

 

"I am easy to find and use,

Whether by voice or ink.

However, you make speakers of English

Have to stop and think--

 

"Unless they know you very well,

And many of them don't.

Folks have the chance to make your acquaintance,

But, sadly, many won't.

 

"You are not the only one

To be in such a funk.

Look what's happening to our friends

Eaten, Gone, and Drunk!"

 

(By the way, Who was sincere;

She WASN'T a mere pretender.

And don't forget that Whom and Who

Both can change their gender.)

 

"At least," said Whom, "I'm in the books--

The great works from the past.

As long as folks will read them, I know

My legacy will last."

 

Who left feeling depressed about

Whom's impending doom.

How horrible to witness the sad

Demise of brother Whom!

-by Bob B (9-5-25)

When I Was a Kid...

(This poem could be sung to the melody of Gilbert and Sullivan's "When I Was a Lad," from the H.M.S. PINAFORE. There are grammatical irregularities for obvious reasons.😉)

 

TRUMP:

When I was a kid, I learned from Dad

To stay on top and to never get had.

I learned the pleasures that our wealth could bring,

And he often called me "killer" and he called me "king."

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And he often called him "killer" and he called him "king."

 

TRUMP:

Since Daddy called me "king" it really helped somehow

For me to be the ruler of the country now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

Since Daddy called him "king" it really helped somehow

For him to be the ruler of the country now.

 

TRUMP:

I learned quite fast. My goal? Get rich quick!

Some fraud can be a plus, for it does the trick.

I got my way, or I would come unglued.

And if people gave me problems, piece of cake: I sued.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And if people gave him problems, piece of cake: he sued.

 

TRUMP:

I grew so rich and famous that the crowds said "Wow!"

So therefore I'm the ruler of the country now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

He grew so rich and famous that the crowds said "Wow!"

So therefore he's the ruler of the country now.

 

TRUMP:

I learned very quickly all the tricks of the trade:

A boss saves money if folks aren't paid.

I learned so fast how to crush dissent,

And I SOON became an unrelenting president.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And he SOON became an unrelenting president.

 

TRUMP:

Since ALL my fans adore me, I will take a bow.

They like that I'm the ruler of the country now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

Since ALL his fans adore him, he will take a bow.

They're happy he's the ruler of the country now.

 

TRUMP:

A manifesto that is helping me survive

Is known as Project 2025.

Oh, the project helps expand my role:

I'm a president who wants complete control.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

He's a president who wants complete control.

 

TRUMP:

And so criticism I won't allow

Because I am the ruler of the country now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And so criticism he won't allow

Because he is the ruler of the country now.

 

TRUMP:

For admin teams, it makes no sense

To put TOO much emphasis on competence.

They MUST be loyal and kowtow to you,

And support you when you're asking "What would Putin do?"

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And support you when you're asking "What would Putin do?"

 

TRUMP:

My DEAR friend Putin is the cat's meow.

He helped me be the ruler of the country now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

His DEAR friend Putin is the cat's meow.

He helped him be the ruler of the country now.

 

TRUMP:

So all out there, please listen to my plea:

If you WANT to get to the top just like me,

You should toss out your conscience, be as cold as ice,

And never say you're wrong or be contrite or nice.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

And never say you're wrong or be contrite or nice.

 

TRUMP:

If YOU'RE more like me--yes, holier than thou--

Then you could all be rulers just like I am now.

 

SYCOPHANTS:

If WE'RE more like him--yes, holier than thou--

Then we could all be rulers just like he is now.

-by Bob B (8-30-25)

Declaring War

It looks as though the president--

The dull and tedious bore--

Has unilaterally decided

That he's declaring war.

 

War on what or whom? you wonder.

The man who thinks he's king

Appears to be declaring war

On almost everything:

 

War on truth; war on judges

Who don't agree with him;

War on any critic who doesn't

Support his every whim;

 

War on immigrants' rights and war

On aid to people in need;

War on any measures that

Restrict corporate greed;

 

War on DEI, or course,

And war on voters' rights;

War on historic records that he

Thinks are unfair to Whites;

 

War on the rule of law, and war

Also on reason and science;

War on wokenesss, because he doesn't

Tolerate defiance;

 

War on schools with high Hispanic

Enrollment; war on the press;

When he imposes his tariffs, then war

On countries that don't acquiesce;

 

War on clean-air regulations

And health protections for sure,

For he's defunding research, which

For him has no allure;

 

War on an independent Department

Of Justice and FBI,

For now they jump when he says "Jump!"

And do not ask him "Why?”;

 

War on public broadcasting

Which gives him fits of pique;

War on ANY station that

Allows his critics to speak;

 

War on cities, particularly

Those in states that are blue;

War on you if you perhaps

Are LGBTQ;

 

War on us, for he is using

Our troops against us. His orders:

Troops have the right to stop and question

Anyone near our borders.

 

Especially on Democrats

War has been declared,

But he'll go after anyone.

Very few are spared.

 

It's really war on democracy

As our rights disappear.

I never thought I'd see the day

That THAT would happen here.

 

There seems to be no end in sight

Of this continuing saga.

The Statue of Liberty now wears

A red cap saying "MAGA."

-by Bob B (8-23-25)